Hi, everyone?! I am going through this time in life that it gets so busy I’m out of my mind. So, I share my thoughts about marriage, and want to share an essay that I wrote up for my course. It will be fun and inspring. (I promise) Hope this improves your English and help you somehow in school too!
Image captured from: https://www.countryliving.com/life/g27409222/wedding-quotes/
Intro/rationale
It’s about marriage. (Interesting already, is’nt it?) Basically, we were supposed to read this article about some lady who got married and reflect back to her early marriage, hardships, what was her conclusion about marriage. Then, we did some research based on questions that arised to each of us while reading the article. Mine was 3.
- Is big wedding appropirate for everyone?
- Is secure job necessary before marriage?
- What is condition to happiness and sucess in marriage?
Read this main article:https://www.huffpost.com/entry/young-engagement-millie-bobby-brown_n_643c3a0be4b0ac40918bc099
My research
So, I made some key words to search on google of journals and other sources like educational video to support my quesiton and answer with my essay.
- “extravergent wedding cons”
- “Job and marriage”
- ” happiness and marriage”
Ok. So searched up some sources and chose 3 sources that I thougth was realiable at the same time relevant to the article.
I read them or tried to read them closely. Very very carefully formualted my thesis. (You’ll see in my essay)
Essay (KOREAN ver.)
I wrote up draft in Korean since my mind works in Korean. This is Korean ver. of draft. A really rough one. (Summary is in English, pardon me but did not feel like writing that up in Korean again)
Introduction
‘행복한 결혼의 시작은 사랑하는 사람과 결혼 하는 것이고, 사랑하는 사람과 결혼한다는 것은 행복한 결혼의 결실이다 ‘라고 소설가 톰 뮬른은 말했다. 이 말은 곧 결혼은 사랑이 가장 중요한 근간이 된다는 것이다. 좋은 말이고 경험자에겐 사실이다. 하지만, 이 험한 세상과 경제적 어려움 속에서 이 낭만적 사랑이 얼마나 많은 미혼인 사람에게 쉽게 받아 들여질까는 의문이다. 부는 우리의 행복을 좌우할 만큼 모든 사람의 바람이고 보여지기론 가장 중요해 보인다. 우리가 보는 매체, 예를들어 아이들이 보는 동화, 영화, 소셜 미디어 에서도 주인공은 왕자, 돈이 많고 잘생긴 사람이다. 물론 인성, 성격도 중요하지만 우리는 보여지는 것이 우리의 첫 인상이라는 것을 거부할 수 없다. 이런 기대와 사회적 환경은 현실과 다르다. 삶은 동화가 아니다. 거의 모든 어른은 이렇게 말할 것이다. 우리가 공부를 하고 직업을 갖는 이유도 경제적 여유를 원하기 때문이다. 왜냐하면 경제적 여유가 없다면 아무것도 할 수 없기 때문이다. 생각 해보자, 우리가 돈의 여유가 없다면 친구와 커피 한잔 여유있게 할 수 있는지. 그러나, 결혼의 기준이 꼭 돈이어야 할까? 여기 자신의 결혼 경험을 이야기 하는 한 사람이 있다. 그녀는 결혼을 어린 나이인 19살에 했다. 그러니 경제적 여유를 생각 하지 않고 낭만 결혼을 한 것이다. 얼마나 힘들었을진 상상을 깊게 하지 않아도 알 수 있다. 하지만 그녀는 후회했을까? 이 글은 그녀의 이야기를 조사와 자료를 바탕으로 심층적으로 보자는 취지에서 시작했다. 모든 조사 끝에 내가 그녀의 이야기에 내린 결론은, 그녀는 옳았다는 것이다. 그녀가 말하듯, 결혼은 사랑의 결실이고, 사랑이 없는 결혼을 한다는 것은, 특히 돈만 보고 사랑하지 않는 사람과 한다는 것은, 결혼의 가장 중요한 것을 잃는 것이고 어리석은 일이라는 것을 내가 조사한 많은 학자를 통해 증명해 보이겠다. 그녀가 어떻게 얼마나 옳은지 이제부터 알아가 보자.
Summary
An article titled, “I was overjoyed to get engaged at 19. Then, like with Millie Bobby Brown, the comments began.” By Jenna Fletcher on HuffPost is a story of a woman who retrospect’s downsides of marrying too early honestly without financial stability but also unexpected serendipity and meaning of spontaneity of love. She met his husband coincidently and spent beautiful time together on a beach at the age of 19. In two years, she got proposed by this man on her dream and said “I do” without a doubt for a rosy and happy marriage. She remembers and cherish every part of him and their time together, nothing to compare to anything in the world. Being excited, she posted her photos of marriage to Instagram and people were fond of them and showed a lot of supports and congrats. However, that was not the end or full version of the story: she had economic hardships and family criticism since she has married with college guy who did not land a job yet. It is true that they ended up working here and there for part-time and get exhausted by housework and baby-sitting. It is not that she was not happy with her husband, but it was certainly harder than she thought in physical ways. They went to highs and lows, especially lows with making a living when they had little-paying jobs, over early years of their marriage, but they found a way to cooperate by doing work from home eventually, and be together with their precious kids with some stability. In the end of the article, she shares that she does not regret marrying him at early age, which throws the question to her reader that love and marriage are not always all about money and being stable; it is more about finding who you truly want, trust each other even through hardships, being together no matter what awaits them looking at the brighter side.
Response
첫째, 나는 그녀의 이야기를 알고 나서 요즘 모든 사람들이 원하는 과한 결혼식이 모두에게 맞는 행동일까 라는 질문을 했고, 이것은 아니라는 결론을 내렸다. 그 글에서 그녀는 자기의 결혼식은 조촐했다고 한다. 프로포즈도 특별할 것 없었고, 브라이덜 샤워도 친구 집에서 간단하게 했다고 한다. 하지만 그녀는 프로포즈 때 해변에서 입었던 드레스에 아이스크림이 묻었지만 그 얼룩마저 지울 수 없을 정도로 아끼고 사랑한다고 한다. 나는 다음으로 요즘 사회적으로 이슈가 되고 있는 보여주기식 결혼을 비판하는 한 글을 읽었다. 그 글에 의하면, 보통 미주 사람들은 $33,391을 결혼 비용으로 쓴다고 한다.어떤 사람들은 이 기대에 져버리지 않으려고 엄청난 돈을 빚으로 얻어 몇 년을 갚는다고 한다. 이것이 많은 사람의 이혼사유가 된다고 까지 다른 저자는 말한다. 그리고 그 글은 비싼 결혼이 꼭 더 아름다운 것은 아니며 오히려 경쟁 심리를 유발하여 추해질 수 있으며, 서로의 바닥을 드러낼 수 있는 위험한 일이라고 말한다. 그 글이 말한 것을 보면, 그녀가 얼마나 현명하고 옮은 지 알 수 있다. 과하고 어울리지 않는 결혼식은 진짜가 아니며, 우리 자신을 속이는 것이고, 결국은 아름답지 못하다는 것이다. 다른 것들은 계산으로 될지 몰라도, 결혼만큼은 진실 되고 사랑에 의거하며, 서로를 생각 하는 행동이 되어야 할 것임을 다시 한번 깨달았으며, 그녀의 현명하고 사랑스러운 행동에 감탄 하지 않을 수 없었다. 보여주기식 결혼은 그저 껍데기일 뿐이다. 결국 중요한 것은 결혼 당사자의 마음이다. 과한 결혼식이 우리에게 행복을 가져다 주지 않고 오히려 방해 한다라는 것을 깨달았다.
둘째, 직업이 없이 결혼하는 것이 정말 그렇게 위험할까? 라는 질문을 했다. 그녀의 친지들은 그녀가 결혼할 때 상대가 직업이 없는 대학생이라는 것에 우려가 깊었다. 그녀가 기분이 좋지 않은데도 계속 그녀의 정혼자를 비판 했다고 한다. 여기서 공감 하지 않을 사람은 없다. 그녀도 경제적으로 초반에 힘들었다는 것을 인정한다. 그의 안정되지 못한 직장 때문에, 처음엔 이곳 저곳에서 일을 하다 또 아이가 생겨 경제적으로 신체적으로 너무 힘들었다고 했다. 하지만, 우리가 하는 것 중에 모든 것이 제때, 계획대로 되는 것이 무엇이 있을까? 만약 그가 직업을 갔길 기다렸다면, 그들은 결혼을 할 수 있었을까? 혹은 그가 그녀와 결혼 하지 않고 행복하게 좋은 직장을 었었을까는 알 수 없는 이야기다. 정반대의 최악의 상황도 생각해 볼 수 있을 것이다. 과학자들은 코비드와 함께 이혼하는 사람이 증가 했다고 말한다. 그것은 사실이지만, 코비드로 인한 이혼은 이혼사유의 빙산의 일각이라고 한다. 그 글에서는 사실 보이지 않는 다른 이유가 더 많다고 이야기한다. 코비드로 인해 비관하고 정신적으로 힘들어 약을 했거나, 바람을 피웠다는 것 등이 숨겨져 있다는 말이다. 경제적으로 힘든 것은 이혼의 결정적 이유가 되지 않는다고 그 과학 저서 는 확실히 말한다. 이것에서 알수 있듯이, 모든 것이 자로 잰듯 반듯할 수 없다. 기회는 순간이고, 놓치고 후회하는 것은 당신의 몫이다. 파트너를 믿고 사랑한다면, 경제적인 여유의 문제는 작은 장애물에 불과하다. 정말 사랑한다면, 그 모습까지도 이해할 것이다. 사랑이 있다면, 어떤 어려움도 극복이 가능하다는 걸, 경제적인 여유는 결혼을 결정하는 이유들 중 하나일뿐 가장 중요한 부분이 아니라는 것을 증명한다. 무엇보다 중요한 것은 서로의 감정이고 아무리 가족이라 해도 사랑하는 사람에게 함부로 얘기한다는 것은 무례하고 어리석은 행동이다. 그래서 그녀의 선택과 노력은 헛되지 않았다고 믿는다. 그의 가족도 이제 말없이 그들을 인정했을 것이다.
셋째, 사랑과 행복한 결혼의 조건은 무엇일까? 라고 질문을 하게 됐다. 그 글의 말미에서 그녀는 행복하고 결혼을 후회하지 않는다고 했다. 그 어떤것과도 그와 함께 한 시간을 바꿀 수 없다고 사람들 앞에서 공표하고 사람들은 공감했다. 나는 그녀의 행복한 사진들을 보았고, 그녀가 옳은 선택을 했다는 것을 알 수 있었다. 동시에, 행복의 조건이 물질이 아니라는 것에 대하여 더 알고 싶어 졌다. 어떤 저서에서는 결혼의 변화에 대해서 심층 연구 했다. 옛날에는 현재와 달리 결혼을 일찍 했다고 한다. 그래도 그들은 행복했고 많은 가치관의 변화가 사회적 외부 현상으로 인해 바뀌었어도, 결혼의 가장 중요한 것은 바뀌지 않았다고 말한다: 믿음, 사랑, 소망, 이런 조건들은 하나도 바뀌지 않았다고. 예를들어 우리는 결혼할때 영원 서약을 한다. 어떤일이 있어도, 서로를 포기 하지 않겠다고. 나중에 이 사람이 돈이 많아지면 사랑하겠다고 서약하지 않는다. 이렇게 한 결혼 서약은 우리의 인생에 중요한 핵심 기억으로 남아 힘든 상황이 닥치더라도 극복 할 수 있게 한다. 만약 사람이 본질적으로 선하고 그것을 추구 한다면, 무엇이 사랑의 행복의 조건인지는 고민해 보지 않아도 된다: 그것은 서로의 사랑이지 어떤 물건도 아니다. 그런데 왜 우리는 물질에 집중할까? 또, 저명한TED 에서 maximalist의 관한 애기를 한다. 택배 그다음 택배. 집이 터져 나갈 듯이 어지러워도 사람들은 더 많은 것을 사지 않으면 즐겁지 않아 욕구 충족이 되지 않는다고 한다. 물건을 찾을 수 없으면 또 사고 또 의미 없이 버려지고, 집은 정리 되지 않으며, 내 주변 사람은 나를 어리석은 사람으로 기억 한다는 것이다. 우리 모두의 고민이 아닐수 없다. 과소비는 진정한 행복으로 이끌 수 없으며, 과유불급이라는 것을 우리는 알고 있다. 사람은 우리 자신이 믿는대로 행동하고 결실을 맺을 때 가장 행복하다고 생각한다. 당신이 이것을 믿는다면 결정할 때다. 물건을 버리고 사랑한 사람과 소박한 삶을 시작하는 것이야 말로 사랑과 행복의 가장 중요한 첫 스텝이 아닐까라는 생각을 이 조사를 통해 알게 되었다. 이것이야 말로 소박한 결혼을 하고 행복한 그녀가 옳다는 증거가 아닌가?
Conclusion
이 글의 주인공 그녀는 옳았다. 통상적인 생각을 가진 사람이고 “사랑이 무엇인가?” 를 경험을 토대로 느낀 바른 길을 간 사람이다. 믿는 데로 이루어진 그녀의 사랑에 감탄 하지 않을 수 없다. 이 글을 읽는 모든 사람이 감동을 받았으리라 믿는다. 다시 짚어 보자면, 그녀가 말한대로, 사랑을 자랑하는 것은 허상에 불과하고, 직장이나 지금 안정되게 보이는 무언가는 영원한 것은 아니며, 행복의 조건은 돈이나 물질이 될 수 없다. 결혼은 순수한 것이고 그래야만 한다. 결혼마저 우리 사회의 악으로 변한다면, 우리는 무슨 소망으로 살 수 있겠는가? 사랑하는가? 묻고 사랑한다 대답하고 그것이 진실이라면 그것 자체로 결혼이 된 것이다.
Translation process (English Ver.)
I traslated to English word by word, taking care of vocabulary and expressiosn Americans use.
Does money buy you happiness? – a research-driven essay about meaning of marriage
By Hyesoo Lee
“Happy marriage begins when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.”, Tom Mullen, the American novelist said. This quote is basically saying the foundation of marriage is love. It is good and true to everyone who have gone through marriage. However, in the cotemporary economical distress and mean culture, how is romantic love theory like this accepted to single people in easy and fast way is very doubtable. Wealth is everyone’s wish and seems to be most important thing that may decide our happiness nowadays. We see media everyday, kids is not exception. From fairy tale to social media, the protagonists usually is cliché of a prince: a wealthy and good-looking young man. Of course, his personality and goodness always come into play, but not always the first thing we see and think of. I realize that this expectation in the media and real-life situation is very different. Life is not a fairy tale; this is what all adults will agree in North America. This is partially because our job and school is based on the motivation that we all want wealth and winning. I am not saying wealth is not important because, to be honest, without money to pay our daily needs, we cant even go for a coffee with our friend or go through life without asking for help. Nevertheless, I question you that “Should most important motivation for marriage should be wealth?” Here is a lady who share her love and marriage story that would say “no” to this quesiton. In the article, ““I was overjoyed to get engaged at 19. Then, like with Millie Bobby Brown, the comments began.” By Jenna Fletcher on HuffPost, she shares that she has been married at the age of 19; she did not think economically and hardships, and just got married with romantic ideals. You can imagine how difficult it was for her to live, right? But, did she regret? This essay is about her story and my conclusion of her narrative, after some research and contemplation, I decided she was right. Like she wrote, marriage is fruit of love. Marriage without love, especially those who marry with partner’s money first thing in mind, is losing the most essence of love and absurd people, which I will prove through some sources I read. Let’s take a look how the narrator in the article has a valid and wise opinion about love and marriage in the article.
Summary
An article titled, “I was overjoyed to get engaged at 19. Then, like with Millie Bobby Brown, the comments began.” By Jenna Fletcher on HuffPost is a story of a woman who retrospect’s downsides of marrying too early honestly without financial stability but also unexpected serendipity and meaning of spontaneity of love. She met his husband coincidently and spent beautiful time together on a beach at the age of 19. In two years, she got proposed by this man on her dream and said “I do” without a doubt for a rosy and happy marriage. She remembers and cherish every part of him and their time together, nothing to compare to anything in the world. Being excited, she posted her photos of marriage to Instagram and people were fond of them and showed a lot of supports and congrats. However, that was not the end or full version of the story: she had economic hardships and family criticism since she has married with college guy who did not land a job yet. It is true that they ended up working here and there for part-time and get exhausted by housework and baby-sitting. It is not that she was not happy with her husband, but it was certainly harder than she thought in physical ways. They went to highs and lows, especially lows with making a living when they had little-paying jobs, over early years of their marriage, but they found a way to cooperate by doing work from home eventually, and be together with their precious kids with some stability. In the end of the article, she shares that she does not regret marrying him at early age, which throws the question to her reader that love and marriage are not always all about money and being stable; it is more about finding who you truly want, trust each other even through hardships, being together no matter what awaits them looking at the brighter side.
Repones:
First, after reading Mrs. Fletcher’s story, I realized there are issues that run in everyone: that they do extra-expensive wedding, and questioned, “Is it right for everyone?”, and concluded that it is not right, like the author. In her article she wrote up that her wedding ceremony was not that fancy. Proposal was just in the beach and his boyfriend kneeling down and bridal shower was at a friend’s house for instance. But she can never wash the dress and the ice-cream mark that left by mistake because it reminds her of the time they were together. Opposite to this romantic story, I decided to read more about extravagant wedding and its cons. The article said, Americans spend on average $ 33,391 as a marriage ceremony expense. Some even get doubt to make up to this expectation. The article is clear that this action even result in divorce. Furthermore, this actually increase completion and make your most important event into less beautiful event that shows your worst sides. After reading this article, I believe there is no doubt about how smart and right Mrs. Fletcher was. Overly fancy wedding does not fit to everyone and it is very fake depiction of us, eventually ends up not beautiful. I realized that marriage should be true and based on love, and care for each other. Ms. Fletcher’s choice to do a small wedding was so wise and lovely that I could not stop astonishing. It is clear to everyone that Love-on-display is just appearance; most important thing is each other’s feelings. I realized, a big wedding ceremony does not bring happiness, it rather distracts it.
Second, “is marriage before getting a job risky?” was my next question, reading Mrs. Fletcher’s story. It is heartbreaking that her family and friends worried too much that her fiancé is sophomore in college. AL thought she was not feeling well, they kept saying things negatively about him was skeptical about their marriage. Who would not feel agreed to her, if you were in similar situation. She admits that she struggled a lot in first few years of marriage too, with kids and part-time jobs. Economic and psychological stress too great, it seemed. However, among our important life decisions, what was just perfect-timing, exactly as planned? If she waited till he gets a job, would they end up in marriage at all? I believe the exact opposite can be happening. Scientists say, in an article, divorce rate certainly raised in covid time. But they say, this is just tip of iceberg we see only that these factors are correlated. It points out that there are many reasons that are major but hidden. For instance, because of covid, many struggled psychologically, with drug abuse and affair, which seems to paly bigger role. So, concluding that covid or economic burden raise divorce is just not right. As you can tell by this article, nothing’s clear cut or perfect in this world. Chance is a moment, and regret is on your side forever. As long as you trust your partner and love him, being poor is just a huddle to be skipped. If you are truly in love, you will worry and understand his/her situation. If and only if there’s love, everything is possible and poorness is just excuse and not real reason to break up. Also, what is most important is feelings of my other half, even if that involves disagreeing with parents who speak rudely and absurdly of the person. Therefore, I believe that her choice and effort to overcome economic burden with him is beautiful and not in vain. I am sure that, later on, the family and friends would have approved them and was sorry.
Third, I questioned “What is conditions for happiness in marriage?” after reading Ms. Fletcher’s story. As you can see in her endnote, she is happy and does not regret marrying who she married. She said nothing is comparable with time she spent with him with confidence in front of people and people were moved. I also saw her happy faces in photos, and I knew she was right about her claim. At the same time, I had a feeling that the condition of love is probably not things we have so I searched more. In an academic journal that studied in depth, and longitudinally about marriage in Western culture, they said, back in the days, everyone got married early. They were happy too. The article implies that although a lot of value changed due to societal development, importance of meaning of marriage did not change: those are faith, love hope. For instance, we swear when we get married, most of us in one form or the other that we will not give up on each other and love each other only. We do not swear that I will love him more if she gets richer. These milestone of life and its memory is stuck forever in us becomes the niche to look back as we live. We are all mature adults who keep promise, at the age of marriage. If human being is good fundamentally and stive to good, like humanism claims, there is no reason to think too much about what is condition of love: that is love, not things. But, why do we still focus on things? To answer this, I would bring up TED talk about maximalist. One parcel and another one makes our room crowed and messy that people eventually find themselves not happy if they do not order things and make life going. If you can’t find it we buy again, throw it away without much meaning, and feel empty while your room is not organized that someone near you find you stupid and remember you being that way. It’s every citizen’s in developed countries worry. You know it is just business ads and blinding you, and too much is never good, either you explicitly or implicitly recognize it. Human beings are happy when we do what we truly believe and receive some reward. I realized this is time to decide. Just like TED said, we need to leave obsession with things and start minimalist life with loved ones in order to take firs step in happy marriage. This is why Mrs. Fletcher is so right to give up on materials and chose love.
Conclusion
This story’s main character, Mrs. Fletcher was right. She is very normal person and someone who knows what true and appropriate love is by experience. I cannot stop getting amazed how people become what they believe and say. I hope everybody felt movement in heart when they read this article. To repoint, just like Mrs. Fletcher said in article, extravagant wedding is fake, something stable like job at the point of marriage is not forever, a condition in happiness in love can’t be a thing. Marriage is by definition puree and should be pure. If even marriage is done with evil and selfish heart, what would we hope for? Last word: if your loved one says “Do you love me, Will you marry me?” and if you said “Yes, I do”, your marriage is completed as is.
Summary
That’s it! The seemingly complicated essay is done in less than 2 hours. There is no need to think in English or start from scratch if you are 2nd langauge learner. (It only distracts you and take away your time) I hope you use this method if your English grade is bad, like past self.
Thank you!