Ted talk on how long it takes you to break up.
Hi,
Tired of studying, I checked out ted talks and I came across this TED talk on study of breakup. I am personally someone who cannot break up with any body quickly or nicely. This repeats over my life and take away most of my time and self-esteem. I wanted to hear what others or experts say about this. So I searched up.
How about you? When’s your last break up? Did you feel like you become less afterwards? Does that prevent you for trying new? You should watch these videos with me, if you are.
Summary
“We can’t trust” after break ups and break ups as much as you did in the beginning. Heart break creates dramatic pain due to a social rejection. So, your mind thinks that there must be reasons as great as the pain on your side that caused the break up and you begin searching in retrospection. Mind tricks you, making you feel worse and worse over time making you thinking that you need “fixing”. Unlike the withdrawal from drug, where subject knows they are addicted, breaking up is not so obvious. You are going over your pain by remembering what you said, stalking the loved one, feeding your addiction, and making pain worse. There is no reason, not a satisfyingly one. Never. Just accept it to close addiction. Wiling to let go is important, hope can be destructive in this case. Doing opposite of what your brain do is what you need to recover. Stop idealizing the moment you made love. Constantly remind yourself of why you broke up. Feeling alone can lower IQ and destroy your work life. Insomnia, depression, and many other illness can be caused. If you don’t prevent it by reminding yourself, you can lose more. So, you need to fight it.
Reflections
My break up is almost always not my choice. I hate break ups so I never ask to break up first. Even when I feel so much like being abused and feel like someone is going to breakup on me to save their face and destroy mine, I stay there until that person say first goodbye. It is still painful even if you know it is coming and even the reason is not your fault or even if you know the person is intending to hurt you. It lingers for a long time and it changes me to be more intovert. It just feels dumb. But it is related to my childhood memories and it is too complex to mention it.
This talk address breakup as a metaphor of addiction. Your brain 🧠cannot help but think of breakups 💔 and leads you to negative blackhole of thinking something’s wrong with you. I never knew that metaphor. It seems more clear now that thinking of breakup is a bad thing. Before, it looked like a neutral thing that I chose and had contol over. In fact, it was not.
The word ‘hope’ is always used in positive sense but in this cotext, it is not. It is an impossible and imaginary thing you make up to fill your addiction and urge to go back to where you can’t. It is just hallucination of mind wanting to justify guilt and shame and reduce pain involved with it. It won’t simply happen again.
I kept idealizing the situation and I can’t relate more with the part the talk says that. Everything seems blurry and beutiful afterwards. We tend to remember joy than pain aspect of it to bring us to good moods and say its okey. Its like escaping reality. Horrible break up reasons are often unfixable. Thats why people break up. Going back to the person only will make it repeat. Renember why you decided to cut off despite pain, because your feelings are important and that person prevents you to think that.
Lastly, thinking of break up destroys you. So I need to find away to stop thinking about it. Either find a reason to hate it, distract yourself, replace it. Whatever you can do to not be damanaged by it. The person you broke up with won’t know what happened to you. They don’t know they are sorry. If they are sorry they would not have done it. Even when they say so you shouldn’t believe it inside. Dont waste your time thinking about it. Simply it is not worth it. There is something you can not forgive with just adoring the person: indifference and rudeness. That means it was not love afterall.
Conclusion
Be clear. You need to fight it, win the game to keep important ones and start new ones.